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»Ø*X^x>X<)Xx^xX(>X<x^X*Ø«
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| Fuck |
[Oct. 17th, 2006|12:00 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Fucked up | ] |
Things are fucked up. Well, I suppose its not fair to say that 'things' are fucked up. More correct, I am fucked up. I am a rock. A fucking rock incapable of feeling remorse for those that I have known for a great deal of time. Attachment is not something that I am experiencing right now. I am just living day for day. If I act nice to you, its because I want to act nice to you. If I seem like I like you, there is a possibility, but it takes 2. Yes, it's one of those.
What in the fuck am I talking about.
I could go on and on and on about what I am going to do to myself, all night, to make myself feel better. Or, I could just leave everyone else out of the loop, and glow in my own festering night of horrors. I think it would be wise to pick the second. Yes, I choose to fuck all of you.
Fuck school.
Fuck enemies.
Fuck immortality.
Fuck my past.
Fuck my future.
Fuck what I know.
Fuck what I don't.
Fuck war.
Fuck misunderstanding.
Fuck disintermediation.
Fuck good-byes.
Fuck 'future' planning.
Fuck corporate society.
Fuck car dealerships.
Fuck grocery stores.
Fuck fat ass rich woman.
Fuck convenience.
Fuck the weak.
Fuck people incapable of creating their own pain.
Fuck everyone that quits because it hurts.
Fuck whatever I have become.
Fuck memories.
Fuck law enforcement.
Fuck the judicial system.
Fuck anarchy as a universal symbol for 'rebel'.
Fuck Queen Elizabeth.
Fuck gas-powered vehicles.
Fuck flags.
Fuck everything you think you know.
Fuck what you think you know about me.
Fuck realization.
Fuck ignorance.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Fuck.
Kyle Jaye. |
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| (no subject) |
[Feb. 28th, 2006|08:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  fuck aol.... | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Prodigy-Funky Shit | ] |
MOTHER FUCKER!!!
AOL deleted my AIM name, and my college reciever aol mail bucket. STUPID FUCKERS!! Its okay, I sent them a "thank you" bomb.
Well my new AIM is "Spat Lee Emo".
IM me, im probably on.
IM so I can add you, I have an empty list.
:[ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|09:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Blood-Thirsty... | ] |
You fit in with:
Humanism
Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.
20% spiritual.
40% reason-oriented.
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Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com
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| 'Wake Up Iris' A poem by Kyle Van Dam |
[Nov. 28th, 2005|11:01 pm] |
Rise above, oh desolate one,
dust the history off your back,
I saw your face on the horizon Iris,
this day my world faded to black...
Rise up, oh gentle one,
the creases on your mind split,
revealing the inner poison Iris,
that I thought that you had quit.
The ugly one, the dividing one,
no longer one, but two,
don't give up in this war we fight,
This truth is the color Blue.
Don't lie to us, don't try for us,
what you are I've already seen,
biting me, stop fighting me,
Your hate the color Green.
These two things not fucking right,
why the fuck can't you just think,
why is that so fucking hard,
Stupidity is the color Pink.
We wrote it in a heart, never fall apart,
But now he wants you back,
Come back to me, My Closed Third Eye,
My life is now the color BLACK. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 23rd, 2005|08:33 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
| Your IQ Is 110 | 
Your Logical Intelligence is Below Average
Your Verbal Intelligence is Above Average
Your Mathematical Intelligence is Exceptional
Your General Knowledge is Above Average |
WHAT THE FUCK THEY SAID MY MATHEMATICS SKILL IS EXCEPTIONAL!!!!!
haha I think they mean Phenomanal! |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 19th, 2005|09:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | Fuck | ] |
So basically, I fucking suck. I can't believe I am living this hell again. I was afraid of talking about it before, but you know what? FUCK IT, I don't care who knows, I just don't fucking care. Today I was caught by Megan telling Theresa that I still love her, Because I fucking do. I'm sorry that is the way that I feel, I don't wish it to be that way, it just is. So Theresa and I talked for a long time, and I cried for a long time, and I told her all sorts of things and I'm pretty sure she really didn't give a shit. I'm just a stupid fuck up anyways.
Yeah, so whos been writing poetry again? This dumbass.
Fuck.
FUCK! |
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| Emotions Like A Cloak |
[Oct. 17th, 2005|10:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  confused | ] |
So, I have decided that I really do not deserve to live. I have all these feelings rushing inside of me, and I don't know where to place them. My Non-Fiction essay was basically all about myself. I wanted to die today. I stayed home from school and just homework and cried all day. I hate my life lately. I wish I knew what was wrong with me.
I wish I could say the things I need to say.
I don't want the whole world to hate me.
"This pain you endure, it's too much to feel, Just please close your eyes, it's all too surreal".
:( |
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| Isnt that the truth.. |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|09:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | EMO | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Spats Phat Jungle Tracks | ] |
I am 77% Emo. Holy gee whilikers... I am as emo as it gets... I will try to cheer the heck up and stop wiping my nose on my sweater...
So, Life has been pretty fucked up lately. I can't really talk about it, and I have a feeling its all going to wind down soon. And by wind down, I do not mean settle down. It's going to be weird. |
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| Fuck you life, and your yellow jacket wearing Karma!!! |
[Sep. 14th, 2005|10:23 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | confused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | TBS | ] |
So, today was just fucked up. I'm not even going to go all the way through it. Just fucked up.
So, I'm just sitting there on the field tonight at about 7:30, you know Drumline sectionals, and I just got done fixing dot 10, when randomly, like my life is, a fucking bee stings the shit out of my arm. WHAT THE FUCK!!! It's the fucking 14th of fucking September, and I get fucking stung by a bee!? IN THE DUSK!? WHEN ITS FUCKING COLD OUT!?!?!?! WHEN IM FUCKING ALLERGIC!?!?!?!
yeah, I can't decide if the bee existed or if it was Karma. whateva, still hurt like a bitch, and now im all puffy and red. Fuck.
I just sat back field literally going "FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK, FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK" for like 20 minutes. I WAS PISSSSSSSSSED.
yeah, thats aboot it eh? |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 11th, 2005|09:59 pm] |
Well schools started again, and you know what that means. Damn right, it means that I am going to start using Livejournal again.
started my book again.
thats all |
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| And once again, I give you our Senior Class... |
[May. 26th, 2005|09:49 pm] |
RpGurl2005 [8:57 PM]: fuck you kyle jay vandam
RpGurl2005 [8:57 PM]: have a bitch ass life.. like the rest of ur family
You would think after going out that long, she would have known my fucking name. annnnnd that proves everything. |
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| THATS RIGHT!!!!!!!! |
[May. 26th, 2005|08:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | EMO | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Be My Lover- Spice Girls | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2005|10:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Dammit-Blink 182 | ] |
I am going so god damn emo tonight. What the fuck am I doing home on a Friday night. ALONE. My parents aren't even home, but yet I am.
3..2..1.. EMOOOOOOOOOO |
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| Friday |
[May. 3rd, 2005|10:00 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | 734, dirty fucking whore | ] |
So Friday after school, I was in the Instrument Storage room and the funniest, most emo conversation occured ever. This was between Theresa and I.
Theresa: Hey Kyle, you still owe me $5 you know.
Kyle: Well then you owe me like 5 pints of blood. *glare*
Theresa: Fuck you, you're such an ass.
Hehe, good times.....good times! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 21st, 2005|09:39 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
Picking up where I left off on my story...
While you are sleeping time x is moving at a speed that is 1.54 times faster than being awake. Have you ever wondered how your dreams seem so short but you've been asleep for hours. There is not way to prove this false, but remember we are just imagining it for now. Yes you could say something along the lines of setting up some expierement with time and sound, where say at a certain increment of time a sound would be made. But if you really ask me, a clock doesn't say shit about time. A clock tells an artificial unit of daily schedule.
Actually I just completly made all of that up, but I'm sure that your mind is wandering through ideas now. All except the part about the unit of time of course.
Some people ask me if I know the time.
It's whenever you want it to be. "No",they say, "What time is it."
Half past never, half to forever...
I wake up in a complete darkness. In complete black, your mind still numbed by exhaustion, you start to ask yourself if you're in heaven. Is this what we live for? You sit up and feel that same cold floor and you think, am I living heaven everyday? Is birth actually death, and then you are in heaven. Just the same as death before, you turn back into the pointless protein you were. The dribble on corporate sluts faces. The cheap facial metaphor for what could have been, Instead of being, you fall to the throat of human sexuality.
With all the beeping horns and low rumbles outside I know it must be coming up on dusk. I light a candle on the table in front of me and look around. I seem an absence of glamorous art, and lack of expensive entertainment, and I'm happy. As a fucking clam. I'm even taking too much for granted as it is. And thats even with nothing.
This house shouldn't be my domain. But it is.
The city of skyscrapers and human sludge should not be here. But it is.
This world shouldn't be so fucked. BUT IT IS.
I felt like doing something new today. Something exciting...something.....Illegal. Climbing our of my window I grab a metal pipe and carelessly swing my feet towards a metal platform. Looking at the oxidation stain on my palm, I feel content to change something. To be the oxidation to the oxidation.
Slowly making my way up to the roof, I stop mid-step and sit on a legde. Dazing, I start to see the red-orange glow of the sun creeping over the city. The big Orange. The mother Star. Trying to keep my heavy black eyelids up, I notice a man standing in a window some ways down the street. I can't see much, but I notice something in his hand, and wonder if I've seen him before. Something about him... Seeing waves of green and blue around me, I feel like I'm floating. I hear a bird chirp. A bird, One, Singular, U-fucking-NO.
Jolting back to existence from a bright quick flash, I realize that I drifted and smacked my heard on the bricks. Realizing the flash was the impact, I get very dizzy. It's amazing how when you snap back from a deep daze, you know everything and everyone for a split second, and then you get dizzy and confused, and eventually snap back from the dazed daze.
Standing up I avoid further injury by stepping up to the roof. Laying down on my back, old slave bench-mark style, I look up at the dawning sky. 3 birds fly over head. Three Birds, 3, P;ural, TR-fucking-ES. Every job in this "enriched" country is going to Mexico, and hopefully Hell.
Laying there, with all the pointlessness of the world, I slowly close my eyes. Thinking in my own darkness, I realize that the rate of speed it takes to open my eyes is parallel to the speed it takes for all hope to fall. Both going the same distance and speed, I know we're fucked.
Breathing in and out slowly I think about the world. I picture steamy humid swamps. I see the antenna of the Empire State Building sticking out of masses of algae, covered in insects. Some Empire, huh? Never again would we deal with that shit. Never again.
Standing up slowly to avoid dizzyness, I stumble over to the most busy edge of the building. Looking down I can see people walking around the busy streets like mindless-zombie fucks. Grinning, I pull out the fleshy end of my excretory system. "Better to be pissed off than pissed on" they always say. Clever bastards, Guess what? I'm pissing you off by pissing on you. Slowly starting to urinate over the side of the building, I think about the fact that no one will realize whats going on at first, and thats whats so damn satisfying.
Satisfying.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|10:11 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  GAG! | ] |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 17th, 2005|10:02 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  Lost Without You | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | emo | ] |
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| EMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|09:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | apathetic | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | BoxCar Racer | ] |
THIS WAY UP
á | | spatle2darogerb has fragile contents which may break! |
From Go-Quiz.com
GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!!! This directly explains what happened to my dangus. Someone didn't fucking follow directions!!!! |
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